'The Ocean Dreams' and so do I.....

I heard this on XM today and it touched me. The video photos are beautiful and remind me of the wonderful aquariums Keith put together in our house on Bittersweet and it ends with Jellies, one of my favorite creatures. But, just listening and letting your mind paint the pictures is better. Turn it up.



2002 (Pamela & Randy Copus) - The Ocean Dreams

Not A Chance.

Magic Everywhere

Woods - Taliesin orchestra - Forbidden forest - Impressions of George Winston




Just click.

No other land but this....

Almost a year ago I posted this on the 'quotes' area of my blog, because.... Because I had been left.

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other land but this.
--Henry David Thoreau

The heart obviously knew it, but every logical and emotional part of me just wasn't ready. I think that's human nature. I couldn't have 'found my eternity' to save my life, the moment I posted it. But obviously the heart and the spirit had different ideas and quietly introduced us.

I am sorry to acknowledge this, but I'm going to because I think it's important. There isn't a piece of me that could commit suicide, but I remember sitting on my bed in sheer terror, wondering, back then. And as I wondered, I knew it could never happen in that way you just 'KNOW', but I did finally understand how those that have just too much pain might opt for it. I could see how life could somehow be too much to take. That's an understanding I will hold dear.

There have been people who have bolstered me. I sometimes think/thought that comments like "Hang in there.", "Have Faith", "It will improve." was so much fluff, but what else is there to say? Those comments come from either people who have gone through what you have, or those who are afraid to. And when push comes to shove, they mean the best and you're going to survive as you will... knowing they cared for you enough to write something kind is a testament of some wonderful kind.

This morning I went out to my car late for work, got in, looked up, grabbed the camera and shot.


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I suppose I could zoom in and get the pretty image of 'almost' sunrise' but I choose to keep it as I saw it... far away, muted, dusky, rich.



That didn't keep me from hurrying to the wall to grab a closer shot, but the sun was quicker. It was rising whether I was ready or not. I just kept shooting.



There are people who have left my life, and there are people who have arrived late to my party. In that realm there is sadness and wonder. What am I leaving, and what land am I headed for?



A year ago I couldn't imagine this hope.



I'm afraid to imagine, but nonetheless I am still searching, and glad of it.

And that's good.

Morning

I am not a morning person.

As I get older and my ideas change, I wish I were.... but let me state again.... I am not a morning person.

Nonetheless, this week my manager has found it important to have me at work by seven (Yes, that one vehicle in the parking lot... you know, the red pick-up?.... is there simply for a Peace Lily.)

If I'm to be there at seven, I have to be up by 5:15 at the latest. It's dark then. Dark used to mean bright lights and loud music. Now dark means; where's my soda, cigarette's, pants and the dog? Because we have to either walk or play.

At six in the morning we usually walk, and oh, what glorious walks they've been these past two mornings. This morning I just stopped for the sound in the trees. It was so unexpected Meander just stood there with me as I listened.

The birds are coming back and they are feisty. I've never heard them like this before. They are insistent and strident and loud. There is one song I've heard only occasionally, but I come to think it's from a Robin.... singing some weird, "I'm here. Where are you', thing.... but it's so full and liquid in the hearing. There were other songs... many other songs... and when you listened you heard call-backs. All that communication, just in sound.

As we stood and listened I saw the sky over the lake. The sun had a good way to go before cresting, so there were only dusky blue clouds creating a comma in front some clear, pink and lavender sky... far out. Mostly, it was dim.

The thing that I noticed was that as I stood there and took in the sound and the sky and the water, which was only a lazy lapping... I could ( somewhat) hear traffic, but it didn't matter. What I was truly, quietly 'witnessing' as I stood there with Meander, was what the world has always been no matter what we've etched upon it.

You think about what's happened in Japan, close to the sea.... caused in part by the sea. I imagine as people sit amongst the rubble and contemplate, fear and try to realign their future, they hear the birdsong... see the dawning sky. When you are in that much pain and confusion, does the sound and sight of it offer certain solace because it's one thing you know or sorrow because it's something you know that goes on forever without you?

I have reason to think that my life might get better, but I don't think it would matter.

There is wisdom in understanding that every spring the Baltimore Oriole will stop by a park in a northern suburb before going on to his summer home. That the Robins will be everywhere. The that Barn Swallows will be back to our porches, looking for last years home. That Reva might be able to feed her Hummingbirds again.

I might be able to watch the Swallows again, thanks to a friend. I might be able to do many things, but it's sweet to know that in the end, nature will out.

Amazing Thing

I've never seen a plant react like this.

A couple of months ago I had to throw out a Prayer Plant at work (not unusual, as they are hard to deal with in a store) and I pulled what was left of it out of it's pot and put it in my pocket. I put it in this pot when I got home, and for some reason put it on a little table in my bedroom.

What was left was a large piece of an adult plant and I put it next to the window since I thought it wanted low light and the window faces north.

It slowly began to fade and spider mites got at it, but all of a sudden there was a new shoot. And another. And a third. I think it did as well as it did because I have water by the bed at night and if there was anything left I watered the Prayer plant with it. (My other plants are not so lucky.)

But lately, it's few leaves have been looking rather peaked and so I looked up how to care for it. Well. It wants high, but not direct light and lots of humidity. Lack of humidity (not helped by the fan right next to it) was what was causing the edges of the leaves to brown.

I don't know why I'm so taken with this plant... maybe it's stubborness, but I looked at it this morning and it's leaves were laying down on the soil and it just looked tired. So, after cleaning the bathroom I moved it's little table in there. Though the bath faces north as well, it has white walls and if I remember to pull back the shower curtains it's bright in there. I did not water it.

And there it sat, forlorn.

I took a shower and when I finished made sure to leave the door closed for maximum humidity. Several hours later I went in, and what you see in the picture says it all.

The Eagles - Desperado

What goes around, comes around, goes around, comes around, goes around... and no one ever thinks they are in the vortex until 'it's too late'.

I'm tired and sorry to find my past is still in the present. But there's joy in it, too.

And that's the nature of life.

Welcome.